Thanksgiving is one day away.
How do you feel about this particular holiday?
For me, this time of year sometimes (ok, every year) begins a cycle of sadness. I am not a thankless person, just sometimes I let myself go and wish for more during the holiday season. I know things could be worse. I say it 1000x over and over in my head. Hopefully, this post shall serve as a reminder to myself that I will give reminder that I give thanks not only on Thanksgiving, but every single day.
I cook every year (except for a few times) and not including this year. We are going away for two nights!
I regress. Throughout the years when I have cooked, it is imperative to keep the house as smell free as possible. Any cooking food smell makes my son extremely nauseated. Once he starts to get sick, his system will not shut down. He needs an injection in the emergency ward to stop. I light some candles and open the windows and doors a crack for smell patrol.
Also I must watch the burners and oven every time he walks into the kitchen. (Safety is something he does not understand. Danny will place his hand on the stove even if you said not to or post a visual if he needed something nearby. Even if he burnt himself, he would still do the same thing again and again - he simply does not understand.
As I hurry to get the bird in the oven, Danny usually gets bored (when he has unscheduled time). Dad then takes him on a long drive to nowhere (which is Danny's most favorite thing in the whole world).
When the turkey is done, we all gather and sit. Social story read daily to prepare Danny to sit at the table. He normally gets through Grace [which we say only on holidays (shame on me, I know)].
During the early years when the boys were growing up, I would always stay with Danny or take him on a drive during holiday dinners. It was important to me that the other boys would have as typical as possible eating time at the dinner table with a parent. I was the parent that took care of Danny. Dad took care of the other two. Upon my return, they would be finished eating. Since our boys have matured, dad will take turns and ask me to sit at the table to eat with the other two boys. Sometimes I sit for a few minutes until I hear Danny getting into things he isn't supposed to be doing. Then we switch.
I have a fear the other two will have a hatred (yes, hatred) for me when they are older. However, I have always explained to both that fair isn't equal. Fair means getting what you need. In our case, they were able to be independent with many things in life because they had to for survival. They saw what Danny needed and went through a stage when they did hate him. I never told them not to feel that emotion. I could only tell them that hate was a strong word and to please use "don't like" or "dislike" vs. "hate". They were and are good kids. That stage didn't last very long at all. I feel Blessed because they could have turned out completely different than they did. Both of my boys are honest, hard workers, and love their brother as much as they can. They are genuine, mannerly, drug-free, and both are college students.
I am thankful for my sons - all of them. I am thankful for my husband.
Some days I feel like I do it all alone (he works long hard hours because he is self-employed). I am sure there are days when he feels the same way. Some days I feel as though he takes me for granted and I 'know' I do that to him. We don't fight. There are things that couples fight over that we don't even have any energy t0 think about. I can't explain it, but it feels as though we are on a different level than most couples. Life in general isn't about anything we would fight over - money or lack thereof is the only issue that will always be a thorn in our life. However, things could be worse!
Living life while taking care of someone that needs 24/7 is hard to explain in written words. Those that have taken care of elderly parents living with Altzheimers may understand. However, that time is normally shorter (5 - 7 years). We are at 18+ years and my boy has ran my body out of energy!!! He has a longgggg way to go too!
I am thankful for a lot: mostly people - my family, friends including cyber, those daily hero's (the people that smile at you, the ones that accept a coupon that may be expired, the person that understands my order at McDonalds drive thru window even though Danny has the music turned up way too loud, etc.).
Happy and Healthy Thanksgiving to you all!
May all your dreams and wishes come true!